Checkin' Up & Checkin' In With Toni Staton : You Gotta Be Strong! Recently, I perused “Fakebook...

Checkin' Up & Checkin' In With Toni Staton : You Gotta Be Strong! Recently, I perused “Fakebook...: You Gotta Be Strong!   Recently, I perused “Fakebook” and stumbled across a post from a woman who cried out for help, stating she was having...

You Gotta Be Strong!

 

Recently, I perused “Fakebook” and stumbled across a post from a woman who cried out for help, stating she was having a mental breakdown followed by several sad emojis.  Immediately I responded with a website where she could get help and I “asked” her to do so.  I concluded my post with the admission that I too, suffered from a severe mental breakdown and that my getting and maintaining help was the best choice, I could have made for myself.  The word, ask, is in quotations because through all of my trials and tribulations, I’ve learned that people don’t often want advice.  And, we don’t know what they want or need until we ask.  They may want compassion, an ear or someone to identify with what they are saying.  It is dangerous to assume.

 

After supplying my information, I perused other answers.  I was relieved, some people offered immediate help like call 211—an option I was unaware of—and other websites.  I then stumbled across a post that truly saddened me.  The post, although I hope was not meant to be received this way, seemed insensitive and lacked compassion.  I assume the poster is not more than a Facebook friend, otherwise this advice might have been issued privately, or at least should have been.  He said and I quote, “Stop all that tryna be more, do more, striving for excellence bs.  You are enough.” And to add insult to injury, this brother concluded with, “Relax.”  My blood pressure shot to the roof.  When my blood pressure resumed normalcy, I crafted the following reply: Only if it were that easy… This advice serves no one, especially in the eye of the storm. Others posted strong arm emojis and the ever so popular, “Jesus will fix it!”

 

I don’t know everything.  I don’t know a lot.  People respond within their wheelhouse, so please listen to another point of view from an insider.  Receive this information with love.  Telling someone whose going through a tribulation to be strong, relax and stop trying to be something you’re not is not helping, but hindering.  Know that if it were just about being strong and to relax, we would be.  You think we want to mentally break down?  Trust us.  If we could stop this madness, we would.  When someone cries out, first of all believe them, it’s usually because they need help. Please think about inferring that one is weak.  Yes, that’s what you also instruct with the “be strong” mantra.  Trust me.  If we could, we would.  If you need or want help, get help.  Let’s cease shaming and ignoring professional help such as therapeutic services.  Like God made butchers, bakers and candle stick makers, God also made, psychologists, psychiatrists and others in the medical profession.  #FuelingThought

Change... Not By Choice But Change Nevertheless

The title of this week's post is mis-leading.  One always has choice.  However, my choice to wear my hair naturally came from Cancer first; evolution and enlightenment followed.

Toni Staton Harris
Writer

Today I watched one of my favorite writer's, speaker and "image activist", Michaela Angela Davis and recognized that we wear our hair in similar styles. Don't get me wrong, Ms. Davis along with many others have been un-apologetically rocking natural hair styles for years.  It was today I realized that in listening to her unabashed courage to embrace our natural beauty, I rock my natural with pride and commitment.

Michaela Angela Davis
Writer~Speaker~Image Activist
MADFREE

Listening to Ms. Davis speak so profoundly as she often does, made me wonder... If I hadn't endured Cancer would I have been "rocking" my Natural?  To be honest, I doubt it.

Where's Debbie Duncan?

Perusing Facebook, I happened upon a  thread concerning the tragic death of  Major Barney, a Metro-Atlanta Police Officer who was slain in the line of duty.  A Facebook user, Debbie Duncan, fueled a hate-filled discussion by asking...  [Where's Al Sharpton and Beyoncé now... I guess Black Lives matter only when they're not blue...]

Regardless of the community or group one primarily affiliates with, most of us can say we abhor crime.  We don't celebrate the criminal pariahs that exist in all communities.  We are all incensed when injustice supersedes justice.  When criminality eclipses lawfulness, regardless of which side the criminality occurs, we all suffer.

Whether it's an innocent child walking home then murdered by a thug with a firearm and no authority or an unarmed man holding up his wallet to identify himself is gunned down by more than forty bullets or a police officer slain in the line of duty, it is all reprehensible.

People who poke the public with thinly veneered, race-baited sarcasm and dog whistles unnerve me.

Moreso disdainful is when injustice is served exponentially, perpetuated and upheld by those sworn to exact fairness regardless of one's personal biases.  Case and point: a criminal, thug walks into a church of unarmed praying parishioners, proceeds to execute them and the judge has the unmitigated gall to admonish the victims and families to not only think of their hurt but emphasizes to have sympathy for the thug and his family.  To twist the knife further lawmakers and blowhards blame the victims for not being armed.  I ask Where's Debbie Duncan?

When innocent children attending school are murdered by thugged-out criminals legally obtaining lethal assault weapons  and the lobbyist for gun control maintain the ease of accessing these weapons...  When a woman is pulled out of her car for a minor traffic offense, arrested for resisting arrest and is now dead...  Where's Debbie Duncan?

How about when a sitting president is unabashedly disrespected, elected officials criminally refuse to work for the betterment of its constituents, our country, because of bigotry?  When a mentally ill woman driving erratically in a car outside of the White House is gunned down while her baby is in the back seat, but a man jumps the White House fence and makes it through the front door and is still alive... Is Debbie Duncan speaking out against these atrocities?

What is Debbie saying when an officer executes a fleeing man, attempts to frame the unarmed man with a weapon and falsifies his police report.  The officer is jailed only because his irrefutable actions are caught on camera, not that that helped Rodney King--I digress.  Then said officer is quietly released on bail to await trial.  Is Debbie Duncan protesting the officer's release on bail?   Again I ask Where is Debbie Duncan?

Dear Debbie, 

We see you... 

Are You A Hoarder? Pt. 2: Tips to Stop Hoarding

So, you've figured out that you're a hoarder, too?  Or, in the very least, you have a room or space that could use some winter cleansing.  Well, it's a new year and no better time like the present.  Let's get started...

First I caution you, even for the mild hoarder, purging isn't always smooth.  You'll find lost items and use every excuse to re-incorporate them into your life, regardless that you've gotten along without it. Don't stress or feel torn.  Breathe.  Put the item aside and come back to it in 24 hours.  Then take action: put it to use, donate or discard it.

HAPPY NEW YEAR! 2016 IS HERE!

2015 has been an amazing year of hills, valleys and value.  I turned the big five-O and as I look back, I might have done some things differently but I have no regrets.

Things, people, places and events happen because they happen all with the intent for growth.  Growing pains can be difficult but deep inside I cherish that growth is for my own good.  When we view growth as an opportunity, the pain somehow, neutralizes.

Happy New Year!  May you and yours experience and recognize God's perpetual Grace, Mercy, Love, Protection and Prosperity!  May you be filled and full with love.  May you have, hold and exude Peace.

This is my prayer for you, me and my loved ones.  I go forward to and through 2016 with a quote that continues to propel and ground me at the same time...

We are not meant to be perfect, we are meant to be WHOLE.~Jane Fonda, Oprah Winfrey's Master Class

I go forth with the intention and integrity to be whole.  I wish the same for you!

Are You A Hoarder?

Up until a few weeks ago, I would have answered that question with an emphatic no!  I'm the girl who faithfully rummages her closet to discard anything not worn in the last two years.  Then I had to search through a vanity drawer for a shower cap.  I rifled through a sea of goods and when I finished, I had a tall garbage bag worth of stuff.