Fix My Life: Season Premiere

"... You can be cripple, you can be a liar, you can be a whore-monger, you can be a thief, you can be a lotta things but Lord (insert pause) do. not. be. gay. in the Black Church... openly gay..."

Iyanla #FixMyLife
OWN
Series Premiere tonight 9/8c

Iyanla Vanzant, no stranger to criticism goes straight to the heart and pulse of the Black community with this season's explosive premiere of Iyanla Fix My Life on OWN 9/8c.

The first episode follows Iyanla as she aids the navigation of two Black Pastor's paths out of the closet.  This is a heart-wrenching look at two men to embark on a journey that threatens to rip their lives apart.  The episode begins with Derek a thirty-year old ordained minister explaining how he feels speaking truth as a gay man.  "... I feel hurt, sub-standard, petrified and lonely."  Iyanla pauses and instructs Derek to take a breath.  He complies.  She asks him to clarify what he means by lonely... "No one will love me or no one loves me?"

Practice What You Preach!

Today I concluded an important mini-fast.  I use adjective mini because it lasted (as it was planned) for  15 hours.  I wanted to prep for a new journey, take on a new direction and rid my space of self-imposed obstacles that are holding me back.  During my last few weeks of reflection, I got it.  I must streamline toward my God driven purpose.  What I know today is that I’ve distinguished my purpose from my hobby.  My purpose is to write, to author, to lead and to mentor.  How I do that, in exactly which medium is still being worked out, but I know I am to write.  With that being said, I’ve also determined that while I immensely enjoy wine, it is not my purpose.  It may be a passion but more importantly it is my hobby.  

Available through Kindle, Nook, & your favorite E-Reader

 

 

 Armed with that knowledge, I’ve enrolled in school, chosen to take my wine business to a minimum and committed to writing as my purpose and my main occupation.  I am sure this stance will evolve.  For now, this is the road I am traveling on.

Series: What Did I Learn?: River Lessons Pt. 1

What Did You Learn?  Straight out of Oprah's Life Class with Iyanla Vanzant, I'm learning to ask that question in every occurrence, good and seemingly bad.  I emphasize seemingly, because when an occurrence is less than pleasurable or bad, I now know it is happening because I've called [it] into my life to learn something.  When I get it--what I was supposed to learn--I don't have to repeat it.  When I don't get it--well you know the rest.

What I hope to do with this new series, is to share lessons, and to provide a platform for breakthroughs so that we get it.  With this series I hope to shed the cloak of a victim mentality for even the most minute of circumstances.  I plan to emerge as a successful, powerful Victor in all areas of my life.  I hope you join me in this quest.

So in the first part of my series: What Did I learn?, I've invited guest blogger Vonda Morton, a very good friend of mine to share what she learned about life and herself during a recent White-Water rafting trip.  

 

Vonda Morton, River Lessons Pt. 1

 

 I am restless by nature, always feeling the need to do something-- whether it’s organizing, cleaning, or reading.  I was also looking for something new and exciting to do with my friends and all of our children.  By chance, I received a brochure in the mail for Pocono whitewater rafting.  My latent adventurous spirit picked up.  “Let’s all go whitewater rafting!”  I put in an email to my friends.  “It will be fun and a great adventure for the kids!”  I set the date and booked it.  So off we went…five women and eight children ranging from ages eight to 15, clueless as ever.

From the time we entered the required ten minute orientation, we knew we were in trouble.  By the time we took the raft to the water and hit the first turn, we also knew that the ten minute lesson should have been and very well could have lasted for hours.  

We really struggled.  No matter how hard we tried we couldn't maneuver the rafts to steer straight.  As other rafts soared passed us, I thought what in the world did I get us into?  I also thought this isn't fun.  Before self-pity had time to settle in, I realized that we better get this thing going.  I mean we were in the middle of a raging river and while I didn't believe our lives were in jeopardy, I knew I didn't want to float hopelessly on this river for the next five hours.

So I girded my loins, prayed and worked hard to help get us through this adventure.  Along the way these are some lessons I learned on my whitewater rafting adventure: 

Call A Thing A Thing!

Iyanla Vanzant teaches us to Call A Thing, A Thing!  She says by naming whatever it is, what it truly is, you serve you and it with freedom, truth and release.  In the case of Help! My Best Friend Just Got Married, Can We Still Be Friends?, Calling a thing a thing simply means that one must apply the correct label of a relationship to bring that relationship and intent to righteousness.

When we don’t know what to call a relationship, we often smack the label “friend” on it.  This careless act misleads all involved and attempts to deceive purpose and intention; the core of any relationship.  Plainly put, are you really friends or are you someThing else?  Are you lovers, ex-lovers, mates, ex-spouses, estranged spouses, potential mates, or prospects?  Ask and answer of yourself what are we?  Correctly labeling a relationship brings clarity.  And in an already muddled situation, clarity, intention and purpose are key to maintaining healthy platonic relationships.

The following is an excerpt from the soon to be released, Help My Best Friend Just Got Married, Can We Still Be Friends?:

*Call a Thing a Thing!

I borrowed this term from Iyanla Vanzant who teaches us to call whatever it is, whatever it is. The term friend is often overused or used too casually. I believe on occasions and when it’s convenient, people label their relationship with the term friend when it’s anything but. Be honest, are you really friends or are you lovers, ex-lovers, ex-spouses or an ex-boyfriend or girlfriend? 

Mislabeling causes lying. When you mislabel, you’re lying to yourself, everybody else or all involved. Jocelyn and Eric, both married, started out as “friends.” Although not related, they met at a family reunion and found out their families were as close as blood relatives. There was an obvious attraction between the two and both were in vulnerable states of their marriages. Well, that friendship turned into a “lustship” and the two became scandalously intimate. After about a year, the two chose to work things out with their respective spouses, but remained in connection under the guise of friendship and extended family relationships. The truth of the matter is that now, after the fact, the two are not friends, never were. And if they are to rebuild and maintain integrity in their marriages, they’re better off disconnecting and remaining that way. “…But our families are connected, we’re friends…” Eric reasoned. Sorry Eric, you two forfeited any semblance of friendship when you became intimate.

Now, I’m not saying that it’s impossible for ex-lovers to be friends. Although rare, ex-lovers can become friends again. However, a true friendship between exes requires a thoughtful, intuitive journey, and deserves another book entirely. Ask and honestly answer, are you two really friends or masking other desires?

Pucker up and kiss it good-bye, Eric!~Miss Knowitall!

8 days  and counting…..to  Help! My Best Friend Just Got Married, Can We Still Be Friends?

From The Bottom Up,

Toni