Born Again Virgin: Smart and Funny and TV One's Best Kept Secret

I almost missed the boat on this one.

Born Again Virgin
TV One
Wednesdays, 10/9c
Finale airs tonight

I woke up this morning earlier than usual.  After prayer and digging the crust from my eyes, I remained in bed and turned on the television.  Because it was so early, I immediately flipped to TV One with the hopes of catching a beloved marathon of one of my fav re-runs, Girlfriends or A Different World.

I stumbled upon a marathon run of Born Again Virgin. Months before,  I'd seen the ads for this seemingly cute series. When the first show aired, I admit I gave it only a cursory glance, thinking... hmm... not much to interest me here.  I can see this one coming a country road away, I thought.  I was wrong.

I watched.  From the roota to the toota as an Aunt of mine would say.  I watched every episode up until the finale which airs tonight at 9pm on TV One.  I am now hooked and so glad I didn't miss the boat on this one.

Who's Lovin' You?

I’m back, checkin’ up and checkin’ in on who’s loving you.  The answer to that question lies in the mirror but we’ll get to that in a moment.

A recent discussion ensued between me and a few girlfriends; most who are in staled relationships or pining away for old beaus.  I tried my best to be empathetic, to listen and minimize the advice.  I say minimize the advice because most women know what they want to or should do and are not excited about unsolicited advice.

One friend talked about how months before she and her beau of ten plus years were doing so well.  They had broken up and reconciled on the strength of moving the relationship forward—marriage.  After all, she mothers his child as much as the biological mother.  She’s all but set up house with him when she’s not in her own place several states away and does ALL of the wifely duties including cooking and cleaning with only a promise of the brass ring to come, someday.  When you enter his house, it is certainly his.  There isn’t a blemish or wrinkle of her presence other than her suitcase which sits in the far corner of his bedroom.  Her Christmas gift last year, her very own key to his front door—a last.

Supposedly they were on the fast track, again—ten years later—to the altar until he recently advised her that she wasn’t doing enough.  She’s at an age—late twenties—where he expected her financial and professional status to be escalated.  I personally think he’s watching too much television. I don’t know many women who owned property at age twenty-three and a thriving self-employed business.

Her current profession requires extensive travel.  She scours the world for treasures for her clients and if she doesn’t travel she doesn’t get paid.  If she doesn’t get paid, she doesn’t eat and her bills…you know the rest.  God forbid he should ever offer to help out, even with a light bill.  She struggles with a severe medical issue but manages to make her money, pay her bills, care for her pseudo family and herself.  However somehow she isn’t doing enough.  Really?  And to make matters worse, he’s asked her to minimize her work schedule to accommodate additional care for his child on the weekend. He wouldn’t dare make up her difference in pay.  Really? 

What’s wrong with this picture here?  Actually nothing is wrong with this picture for him.  He has more than his cake, he owns the entire bakery and he’s savoring every morsel of every cupcake.  He’s not going to buy the milk because the cash cow continues to be more than free; he enjoys free babysitting, maid and escort services.  He will continue to do what he’s always done, and she will continue to be inadequate, not enough. 

If you are just a wee bit soured by the preceding facts, here’s one more.  She’s opening a boutique in order to stabilize herself and not to have to travel so much and guess what? What? He secured the space for her, in his name and he wants her to use his corporate identification.  His business will be the parent company to her brilliant idea.  All the while he continues to remind her that she’s not enough.  Again, what is wrong with this picture here?

She’s heard it all before.  She’s read The Book, watched the movie and sought and received counsel from family and friends.  It’s exhausting and while she’s free to choose the life she’s living, friends won’t live it with her.  I still can’t help but ask, what makes an intelligent, beautiful, witty, vivacious woman melt into a pool of mud and turn to men who avow not to love them? 

Ding, Ding, Ding….WORTHINESS! I’m no relationship or love expert but I do recognize when I relegate me to a doormat. However, I’ve learned how to harness love and re-focus it above and to the mirror, in that order.  One has to feast on a steady diet of love and worthiness.  [Man] doesn’t live on bread alone and shouldn’t attempt to exist without self-love and worthiness.

I can say for certain is that when one gets her own worth, the supernova of peace and choice is unleashed and cannot be contained.  A woman who knows, believes deep down in her heart that she is worthy of greatness looms an unrivaled presence.  A worthy woman who truly loves herself cannot help but be properly loved in return, if one is privileged to be invited and take residence in her space.  A worthy woman doesn’t ask the question Who’s Lovin’ You.   A Worthy woman is the answer.

This is Toni Staton Harris, Checkin’ Up and Checkin’ In on Who’s Lovin’ You?

10 Easy Do's & Don'ts For For Successful Girlfriend Travel

I traveled to Massachusetts for a Girls Weekend with a few fellow Wine Lovers.  Our plan was to do business during the day, relax and enjoy during the night.  We planned a few dinners and even a massage.  We paired up and the friend I was rooming with arrived a day early. 
Needless to say, she got her first choice of the bed and set the tone for the room: the temperature and shared space: closets, double sink and drawers.  The flow was easy. 

However, during the day, I found that my colleague missed her husband and decided to substitute me for him.  As a group we'd approach a door and she would step aside.  On several occasions she asked me to hold her conference materials and looked at me strangely when I gave them back.  We rented a car but I did all of the driving.  When the weekend was over, I found myself exhausted and much in need of a vacation from my mini-vacation.

I love my girlfriend, but I vowed that if I were ever to room and/or travel with her or any other girlfriend again, to set ground rules would have to be a must for a successful trip.  Therefore I share some tips with you.    These are but a few ways you can help plan for a successful excursion.

1) Do Communicate Plan:  Time permitting, talk at least a month before the trip.  Discuss where you're going, for what purpose and how you are getting there.  Discuss how you can assist each other and commonalities that may benefit all of you like shared expenses or shared transportation

2) Do Communicate Expectations:  Expectations talk should be detailed and include: what you want and/or need to do during your trip,  details about plans to handle any joint expenses, itinerary and planned diversions.
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3) Do Communicate House Rules:  If you are rooming with your girlfriend(s) discuss absolute pet peeves.  I stress absolute because if you can relent a pet peeve like 'I hate when people dry off outside of the shower...' leave it at home.  However if drying off outside of the shower absolutely drives you bananas and will avoid a confrontation, share it.  Discuss if you are affected by sensitive issues like room temperature, allergies etc. If the room is too hot while I sleep, I am awakened by a violent coughing spell.  Chances are I'm going to wake you too so while I probably can't freeze the room out like I do when I'm alone, rooming with me, we have to discuss a happy medium

4)  Do Honor Your Word and communicate immediately if a plan changes no matter how small or big the change may seem

5)  Do Be Flexible  Open your mind.  Flexibility makes for a good travel partner; It is never pleasant to travel with one who pouts and stomps to her way only.  Be okay to try something new, you just may learn something new or experience something differently.

6)  Do Be On Time  A friend once explained to me that if you are attending on someone else's dime don't ever have them wait for you.  It is better for you to wait for them.  (I am still working on this one). 

7) Don't mistake your girlfriend for your mate.  Don't expect your girlfriend to lift your bags, open the door for you or handle the bill without your contribution.  (This is a huge no-no for me)

8)  Don't alter plans and/or arrangements without a discussion.  If another friend decides to join the party, don't invite her to share in the room and expenses without discussing it with the original roommate.

9)  Don't discuss any rifts if any, outside of the parties involved, before during and especially afterwards.  If a rift occurs, once resolved let it be.  What happens in the room or presence stays in the room or presence. 

10)  Don't gossip.  'Nuff said.

Ultimately, be respectful and thank others in deed, words or actions.  If your girlfriend handles dinner, appetizers or a drink, be gracious.  However don't expect her to just because she is the top dogette.  Pull your own weight, do what you can with what you want and don't over-extend yourself.

Girlfriend excursions can be fun and productive.  Remember to be gracious, aware, flexible and communicate.  Once you turn fun into fabulous you will have people at your feet trying to travel with you.

This is Toni Staton Harris, Checkin' Up and Checkin' In on your travel.  Share your experiences, do's and don'ts and what has worked for you.