Tuesday, March 27, 2012

He Loves Me, He's Just Scared--Not!

It's been a minute but I'm back!  I'm Checkin' In on some of you, my friends who are heartbroken about failed relationships and rejection and questioning if he loves me, he's just scared.  I'm answering, Not!

 I don't profess to have all or any of the answers.  I'm not going to inundate you with clever sayings like Let it go.... or Rejection is [sometimes] God's Protection.  These sayings may be true but I'm sure you don't want to hear that right now. 

What I want to talk about is delusion.  A common thread amongst a number of recent discussions with some friends is that the men they are encountering are scared.  [They] are either scared of commitment, scared of opening their hearts for fear of being hurt, scared to talk or face us or just plain old scared.

Think Like A Man in theaters, April
Regina Hall, Gabriel Union, Taraji P. Henson, Meagan Goode
Ladies, Steve Harvey has taught us as well.  A number of popular publications, television shows and movies, also teach us that rarely if ever, is a man scared.  I've come to the understanding that men are not scared of us.  When we continue to espouse this misconception, we hold ourselves hostage to delusion.

This is not to say that men don't hold fear.  However, a man who wants you, truly wants you will pursue, profess, provide, protect  you, among others things, through his fear.  When a man wants you, lions, tigers & bears can't drag or keep him away.

This concept is not directed toward or meant to encourage stalkers or persistent potentials who don't get the message.  This idea is aimed at the women who think what's keeping a desired mate from them is that he's scared.  I dare say it, maybe, just maybe He-Doesn't-Want-You.  He may not say it with those words, but if his actions are saying it, listen.  Actions like refusing to take your calls or reach out to you are clear signs he doesn't want you.  Actions like breaking up with you via email, text or voice mail without offering a genuine explanation or common courtesy means not only does he not want you but also that he is not concerned with or for you either.  One cliche holds true, actions speak louder than words.  If the action following the words are in-congruent, listen to the action. 

Most men don't want to hurt our feelings.  Few men are courageous enough to tell us point blank period, what or better yet who, they want or don't want, especially if the latter is you.  And no amount of pleading, letters, phone messages, reminders of what a wonderful person you are and have been to him will influence him in your direction.  When a man wants you and want you in the way you want to be wanted, Lions, Tigers & Bears can't keep him away. 

The man that truly wants you will wrestle and fight any fear (if such is present) among other things, to be with you.  You just have to be willing to love yourself through the hurt despite him not desiring you.  Although painful, keep yourself busy and work to move on.  Stop waiting to hear the words he's not going to say or the explanation he's not going to give.  Oprah once said, "...if you don't want me, I don't allow myself to want you."

This is Toni Staton Harris Checkin Up and Checkin In on reality, He Loves Me, [He's Just Scared]He Loves Me Not--Not!  Do You Think I'm way off base here?  Let's talk about it.

1 comment:

  1. Great article, Toni--good job! Yes, I whole-heartedly agree with every word you wrote. Fortunately, that's not my situation at all but more of a pondering of 'for God's sake when is this dude gonna pop the question!' (And he promises it will be soon!) Thanks for sharing.