Thursday, June 26, 2014

MY FEET IN THE SAND: Let Crazy Be Crazy....

Let Crazy be a lesson I had to learn quickly....

People will still be themselves.  For some people that means, mean.  For others that means thoughtful.  And for others that means passive-aggressive, self-centered, self-absorbed, kind, resourceful and generous.  I’m not talking to you but if any of the above shoes fit, lace it up and wear it.
The truth is hurt people hurt people and kind people lift people.  Don't confuse the latter of that sentence with meaning drop everything going on in your life and tend to mine.  It means a kind word, thought or deed will travel much further into the seat of someone’s soul than the former.

Deeper inside the lesson is that...

 people are who they are regardless of your circumstances.  And when they tell you who they are the first time, believe them.  How I’ve reconciled that is I've learned not to take who they are personally, especially during my illness and recovery.  The lesson also means is, on your journey, you will have to compartmentalize friends.  What it meant for me is that some friends, became associates, some associates became friends and some friends and associates became gone.

Breast Cancer also forced my courage to make amends with people.  I became more insightful to how I may have hurt them in the past no matter how past the past was.  I am able to be generous with honesty mixed with love about how I felt then, how I feel now and how and what fueled those feelings.  I am able to see clearly.  I am able to listen.  Some people don’t want to hear from you. I learned to reconcile that notion as well, leaving the possibility of a conversation if WE so choose. 

 Most importantly I didn’t and don’t allow Cancer to give me permission to be hateful, spiteful, revengeful and operate out of no filter.  I am not that at my core and won’t allow it to develop.  Please don’t get it twisted, because I love God doesn’t mean I poop bubbles or sneeze rainbows—I got that from a Facebook Friend—you’ll see this line again in one of my scripts.  In other words I know how to back you off of me and if I have to back you off of me, I have no respect of persons.  Yes--I’ve run to therapy and the psychiatrist to temper how—temper being the operative word.

Because yes.  I’ve been angry.  I’ve been mad and yes, I’ve questioned why me, answered why not me and questioned again, really God—why me?  Recently I remembered and received two soul stirring answers: 1) Pastor  Lawrence Powell of Agape Family Worship Center of Rahway, New Jersey was visiting my church, WestAngeles Church of God and Christ.  He preached about Job, but not in the traditional way, we’ve heard so many times before. 
He preached how important it is for us to remember that Satan had to have a conversation with God before tempting Job.  And when Satan (conversated—that one’s for you Deconstructing Jade) conversed with God, God threw Job’s name up for consideration, “….Have you considered my servant, Job?...” JOB 1:8. 
We get two lessons from that, that through trial and tribulation isn’t it something that God allowed that  into your life trusting that we will honor, obey and praise Him through it? The B side of that lesson is that if Satan had to have a conversation with God about Job, “….Don’t think he ain’t already talked to God about YOU!"~Pastor Powell
  Number 2) A friend recently told me about a stroke she suffered, a month after my diagnosis.  Her speech is still slightly off, though if she hadn’t told me so, I wouldn’t have known.  She’s still in recovery as well and she was Praising God for MY healing.  God really worked through her when she told me the following:  “…This didn’t happen to me, it happened FOR me.  Instantly my purpose was confirmed.  This happened FOR me to find my voice and share it with the world so that GOD would get the Glory—ALL of it. 
And so as I let go and let God, not take it back, truly Let God I say Let Crazy Be Crazy and keep it moving.  Oh, and if you ain’t got a nickel in that quarter, don’t by one.
A friend wrote a wonderful book all about, Let(ting) Crazy Be Crazy.  I derived my title for this post from it and wish to give it a shameless plug....

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