Tuesday, December 8, 2015


Last week in the post, Chasing Windmills I wrote about how I don't chase friendships.  A conversation occurred between me and my BFF Chandra Sparks Splond where we recalled, how at different points in our lives we found ourselves chasing friendships.  We concluded that we no longer participate in that practice and penned sister articles about it. Both posts sparked conversation and offered similar as well as divergent points of view.  

One of the responses I received challenged my post by stating, “I have friends that I don’t speak with or see regularly.  When we connect we resume where we left off like we never missed a beat.  I don’t consider that chasing…”  Chandra received a response that offered a different aspect to the discussion.  “Maybe it’s not all about you.  Maybe that person is going through their own situation and can’t attend to you right now…”

All of the above are true too.  So I will clarify and further my point.

I, too have friends that if we connect twice a year, it’s a lot.  But when we do, our connection is platinum.  We laugh as if we talked yesterday and just adding a point to the previous conversation.  I have friends that I haven’t laid eyes on and arms around in years, but the bell of their voice rings as music to my ear when I hear it.  Written communication makes my smile that much brighter when I receive a text, Just thinking about you

I have friends that at one time in their lives, traveled in and out the bowels of Hell.  While battling Cancer, I too had days that reflected that experience.  Neither one of us may have had the space to help one another.  But we knew we were present for one another and the turmoil either of us or both were experiencing was somehow communicated.

With Chasing Windmills, I speak not of them.  With Chasing Windmills, I speak of the one who has clearly cast you aside.  I speak of the one who doesn't reach out and barely bothers to reach back.   With Chasing Windmills, I speak of the one you choose but does not choose you.

“If you don’t [love] me, I don’t allow myself to love you.”~Oprah Winfrey
I for one, concur.  Again, I don’t chase windmills. 

This is Toni Staton Harris Checkin' Up and Checkin' In on 'You Say What?' about chasing friendships.