Friday, September 19, 2014

To Be A Fly On The Wall

Yesterday, on the CBS hit The Talk, Sheryl Underwood revealed a secret.  Sheryl took us on a moving, standing-ovation journey about how she reacted when her friends' true feelings of her--uncensored-- were revealed on a conference call they didn't realize she joined. 

Sheryl admitted that although it stung to hear their true opinions of her, she ultimately triumphed by taking in what they said and forcing their opinion to make her better.  Sheryl never revealed that she heard the conversation uncensored and has since worked with Queens of Comedy fame, Sommore (now on BET), Adele Givens and Laura Hayes without shade or shame.  Academy Award winner Monique (Precious, The Parkers) whom Sheryl was being considered to replace on the tour was not present on the call.

Sheryl concluded her motivational story with being bruised but not broken.  Ultimately, she used that hurt as motivation and that occurrence is why she sits where she sits today-- on a National Network television show that is kicking butt in the ratings and with its competitors.


The world, including me, stand in applause of Sheryl's triumph, not only because of what happened but how she handled it.  This is a true boss move and lesson for us all, not in the what but in the how Sheryl spoke of her ordeal.  As we all know there are three sides to every story: yours, mine and the truth.  And the truth is Sheryl wasn't disparaging to the women she felt had been to her.  For we don't know from what hurt and/or pain the remaining Queens of Comedy spoke from.  We don't know if Sheryl ever said anything to hurt them.  However, in Sheryl telling her story, why they said what they said didn't matter.  She grabbed the lesson, took charge and forged ahead, victoriously.

Many people are sharing similar stories all over social media.  Many of us directly or indirectly feel Sheryl's pain and recall the hurt when we've heard something about ourselves we weren't supposed to hear.  But what do you do when you are the person doing/did the talking?

I was that person.  I thought I ended a phone call with a friend.  After pouring his heart out about a current situation, I began to speak in a disparaging way about him and his choices to my husband.  My wise friend hung up, later called and left a message.  "Toni, you didn't hang up the phone... you had a conversation that I wasn't supposed to hear..."  I was embarrassed and mortified.  It didn't matter if what I was saying had a ring of truth or not.  The truth was that I was gossiping and being less of a friend.

I apologized immediately.  Today I realize that I don't know if I apologized for what I was saying as much as feeling sorry for being caught saying it. 

Here's what I know for sure... whether on the receiving or giving end of gossip, jealousy, hating or whatever one labels it, if IT is not edifying, necessary, solicited or can't be said about and to the person directly... maybe it shouldn't be said. 

And if you are on the giving end, woman or man up, apologize and discuss from a place of truth mixed with love.  And maybe, just maybe the friendship can be salvaged if so desired.  If a continued relationship is not desired, be a boss and work it to your advantage.

This is Toni Staton Harris Checkin' Up and Checkin' In on what it really means To Be A Fly On The Wall...

Please share your stories about when you've been a fly on the wall, on the receiving or giving end...

4 comments:

  1. IT HAPPENED TO ME BY ACCIDENT ALSO AND I CRIED BECAUSE I CONSIDERED THESE LADIES MY SISTERS AND THEY USED WHAT I WAS GOING THROUGH TO POUR SALT IN AN OPEN WOUND BUT AFTER THE GOOD CRY I DIDNT KNOW WHAT TO DO SO FOR ABOUT A MONTH I JUST SHUT DOWN AND THEN I WENT TO A CHURCH SERVICE AND I HEARD THE SPEAKER SAY SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO SEND YOUR ENEMIES/FAMILY MEMBERS ETC "A THANK YOU CARD" TO THANK THEM FOR WHAT WAS MEANT TO HURT ACTUALLY HELPING YOU AND WHEN I HEARD THAT I KNEW THATS WHAT I NEEDED TO DO TO FEEL BETTER AND I DID JUST THAT I SENT OUT A COUPLE OF THANK YOU CARDS AND IT GAVE ME A PEACE OF MIND ABOUT THE SITUATION AND THE LADIES NEVER QUESTIONED ME EITHER BECAUSE THEY KNEW JUST WHAT THEY DID. I NEVER STOPPED SPEAKING TO THEM AND THEY ARE CURRENTLY FRIENDS ON MY FB LIST RIGHT NOW AND IT WAS OVER FOR ME AFTER THAT.

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  2. As painful as TRUTH can be sometimes, TRUTH is always BETTER...(Small doses are easier to swallow.)...Great friends are the ones that tell you the TRUTH no matter what the cost...I was fortunate enough to witness a friends perception of me through her eyes. Author La Lynch wrote a book: EVERYDAY EVANGELISM: Witnessing Strategies for the Imperfect...She allowed me to assist with the proofreading and copy editing, even though Chapter 8, was about me! It wasn't a very flattering view of me, yet it was her TRUTH! It was a very humbling experience...Maybe not as horrendous as @SherylUnderwood's. Also, since then, we've received feedback that it was someone's funniest chapter. Thank God for changing people and perceptions. It was an unflattering era of life, that He brought me out of, and I'm not ashamed of the TRUTH being spoken.

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  3. She demonstrated the true epitome of femininity and how delicate we are supposed to carry ourselves as women. Her beauty radiated through the camera and she exposed her heart to the world. #Beautiful

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  4. Cherlisa Starks-RichardsonSeptember 19, 2014 at 5:54 PM

    I don't consider them to have been her friends and I'm sure after hearing that conversation she didn't either. I think I'm just blessed because I have a core group of true, loving and honest friends. If we have a problem with one another or see a flaw that's worth bringing up, we live each other enough to talk to one another. We also love each other enough and we're real grown women enough not to be petty and nitpick each other about every flaw since we know none of us are perfect. Thise women were petty, miserable and jealous. God saw fit for Sheryl to hear their conversation so she could move away from the haters. She's now more successful than all of those haters. So proud of her for being bigger than them and risk above the hate.

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