Thursday, September 25, 2014

MY FEET IN THE SAND: I Am Not My Hair... But I Am...Some Days

Today my Brother-In-Love saw me for the first time in months.  We joked that I have more hair than he does--he's bald.  He praised my short, curly eclectic doo, how it compliments my face and that everybody can't wear short hair, but it's becoming on me.  I've heard that compliment before.

Me Today
Toni Staton Harris
I thanked my Brother-In-Love and admitted that I've had to embrace my new look.  "I really like me with long hair, so I'm going to let it grow back..."  I quoted.  The truth is I love me with long hair and I've had to make me, embrace me with short hair. 

I look different with short hair.  My look is no longer soft--to me.  I don't know if people would dare agree with my assessment, considering they don't want to hurt my feelings and all, having a pinky toe out of Breast Cancer.

I wouldn't dare wear a weave or a wig;  my hair is not long enough for a weave and my head doesn't tolerate a wig too well.  I'm terrified of wearing a stocking cap or a lace front due to the warning from my stylist concerning my edges.  For my friends who are completely unaware of my peril, stocking caps under wigs and lace front wigs cause the edge of your hairline to recede prematurely.  I digress.

If I were to wear a weave or a wig I'd have to admit my true feelings that if not for Cancer, I would continue to wear my hair long and straight.  I'd have to admit, that on some days, I AM MY HAIR after all.

In this moment, I'm willing to let my hair grow as long as it will grow.  I look forward to having a bit more height and weight to my soft curly strands, allowing for more diversity.  But... to completely say, I am not my hair, is not entirely truthful.  Although I enjoy the ease of less fuss and expense with daily hair care.

So for now, I'm working toward not only being my hair or my physical presence.  I work to embrace who I am and what I look like today without reservation or apology to me.  For I know the true secret of beauty and that is Confidence.  I work to become more confident and allow my light to shine before my steps. 

I'm charging me to walk in Faith, Love, Confidence and Beauty, without hiding behind the BOB or my side part under.  Who knows, being forced to be and try something different may end up as the game changer I've craved.

Me with a younger me

I am not my hair... But I Am... But not for long!

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