Iyanla Vanzant teaches us to Call A Thing, A Thing! She says by naming whatever it is, what it truly is, you serve you and it with freedom, truth and release. In the case of Help! My Best Friend Just Got Married, Can We Still Be Friends?, Calling a thing a thing simply means that one must apply the correct label of a relationship to bring that relationship and intent to righteousness.
When we don’t know what to call a relationship, we often smack the label “friend” on it. This careless act misleads all involved and attempts to deceive purpose and intention; the core of any relationship. Plainly put, are you really friends or are you someThing else? Are you lovers, ex-lovers, mates, ex-spouses, estranged spouses, potential mates, or prospects? Ask and answer of yourself what are we? Correctly labeling a relationship brings clarity. And in an already muddled situation, clarity, intention and purpose are key to maintaining healthy platonic relationships.
The following is an excerpt from the soon to be released, Help My Best Friend Just Got Married, Can We Still Be Friends?:
*Call a Thing a Thing!
I borrowed this term from Iyanla Vanzant who teaches us to call whatever it is, whatever it is. The term friend is often overused or used too casually. I believe on occasions and when it’s convenient, people label their relationship with the term friend when it’s anything but. Be honest, are you really friends or are you lovers, ex-lovers, ex-spouses or an ex-boyfriend or girlfriend?
Mislabeling causes lying. When you mislabel, you’re lying to yourself, everybody else or all involved. Jocelyn and Eric, both married, started out as “friends.” Although not related, they met at a family reunion and found out their families were as close as blood relatives. There was an obvious attraction between the two and both were in vulnerable states of their marriages. Well, that friendship turned into a “lustship” and the two became scandalously intimate. After about a year, the two chose to work things out with their respective spouses, but remained in connection under the guise of friendship and extended family relationships. The truth of the matter is that now, after the fact, the two are not friends, never were. And if they are to rebuild and maintain integrity in their marriages, they’re better off disconnecting and remaining that way. “…But our families are connected, we’re friends…” Eric reasoned. Sorry Eric, you two forfeited any semblance of friendship when you became intimate.
Now, I’m not saying that it’s impossible for ex-lovers to be friends. Although rare, ex-lovers can become friends again. However, a true friendship between exes requires a thoughtful, intuitive journey, and deserves another book entirely. Ask and honestly answer, are you two really friends or masking other desires?
Pucker up and kiss it good-bye, Eric!~Miss Knowitall!
8 days and counting…..to Help! My Best Friend Just Got Married, Can We Still Be Friends?
From The Bottom Up,