WHERE ARE MY EYEBROWS?: Lipstick Angels & EcoBrow's Got 'Em!

LIFE AFTER CANCER

Although growing in, I've still been struggling to find those eye-brows.  I found them.  I found eyebrows amongst a group of Angels, Lipstick Angels, that is!

Using the power of Beauty to transform & heal

On a Thursday, I got a call from a producer of The Queen Latifah Show.  She'd read my email and was interested in my story.  I told her that I was one of three flight attendants for a major airline, having gone and going through the fight of Breast Cancer--together.

After a few phone interviews and more calls, on Friday we were booked to shoot on the show, receive free wigs from Sherri Shepherd to aid in our hair loss and pampering from an organization that specializes in beautifying chemo patients right in the hospital infusion rooms.

On the Sunday prior to the taping, Founder and Head Angel Renata Helfman was to pamper us with a slew of feel good product sponsored by: Burt's Bees, Glo Minerals, Tarte, Street Saint and Pratima and EcoBrow (Beverly Hills) to name a few. I was leery, I must admit.

We traveled only a few minutes away to a condo in Santa Monica and was greeted by Head Angel herself Renata and Cosmo, her adorable pooch.  We were led up the stairs to an art-deco laced condo with a breath taking view.  Renata's Auntie Judie provided water, juice and delicious snacks.

Santa Monica View

Then Renata Blessed us, first with purpose.  She was a one woman show who wanted to give back.  A twenty-year plus veteran of make-up artistry, the best way she could give back to Cancer patients was to transform and aid healing through beauty.  So she visited the hospitals only to find a program had been set up to address other needs of Cancer patients.  No programs addressed loss of, eyebrows, hyper-pigmentation and other beauty regimens.

Through the hospitals Renata traveled.  With her base established at Cedar-Sinai, Renata added color, pizazz and the gift of touch to people experiencing Cancer and the effects of chemo.  Soon her other friends from the industry joined in and now Renata dispenses over 100 Angels throughout Southern California to use the power of beauty to transform and heal.  "My goal is to have this program in every hospital throughout the nation..."  Renata boasts.

Now at ease, Renata got to work on me.  Lovingly and gently she cleansed my face using all natural and aromatic product that sent my senses to soar. 

Renata 'beating' those brows
EcoBrow defining wax
Penelope Brunette

Then she applied the pizzazz.  All, I emphasize all of her products are organic, natural and great for the skin.  When I emerged from her chair, I felt like a Queen and the Husband got the benefit of my feel good when I got home.

On Monday I was graced by another Angel: Shannon Irene.  We laughed, talked and she made me glow with pride as I graced the stage. 

I will never ever forget my amazing experience with the Lipstick Angels.  Cancer/chemo can be so ugly at times.  To have one to help you to feel so beautiful is well... ANGELic.  Lipstick Angel angelic.



Me after Lipstick Angel Magic




 

To donate to or volunteer with this amazing wonderful cause check them out at www.lipstickangels.org  Renata is taking her mission nationally.  A little birdie told me, this movement is going Global.  Let's all get on board.

l-r Jermica, Renata, Me

MY FEET IN THE SAND: 1st Anniversary of I Am Victorious!

Today... One year ago today, I found the lump.  It felt like a grape.  After three examinations of each breast--one on each side--I knew a lump was present in my left breast.

What I didn't know was that it would be a year long battle and beyond of Doctors, remedies, medications, examinations and a number of other particles through a priceless, spiritual, physical, metaphysical and emotional journey. 



When I look back over my life... I am grateful.  I am sorrowful.  I am joyous.  I am quizzical.  I am insightful.  I am reflective.  I am futuristic.  I am thoughtful.  I am selfish.  I am self-absorbed.  I am self-aware.  I am tearful.  I am gleeful.  I am silly.  I am weepy.  I am outrageous.  I am enraged.  I am confused.  I am loud.  I am soft.  I am courageous.  I am weak.  I am strong.  I am timid.  I am voiceless.  I am voice-full.  I am clear.  I am truly Blessed and Highly Favored.  I am Favor.  I am innocent.  I am guilty.  I am joyful.  I am open.  I am cautious.  I am victorious.  I AM GRATEFUL.

PRAISE HIM!

I don't wish ill--Cancer--upon anyone.  I thank God I was chosen because HE knew I could... especially when I didn't want to.  I could.  I can.  I DID.  I DO.  And I still am... Yea though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I fear no evil.  For thou art with me.  Thy rod and thy staff, they comfort me...

I am a conqueror!  And now my head shall be lifted above... My enemies all around me... I shall offer sacrifice to the Lord... Forever... And ever...! 

 

He's kept me!  I am Victorious!

Jean, Suki, Me and Tina
LA Breast Cancer Foundation
Honoree: Suki

MY FEET IN THE SAND: A Look On The Bright Side

I've always been consumed with my weight.  As a child I was proportioned, skinny even.  As a young adult off to college, I gained that Freshman 20 and battled back and forth.  As an adult in my twenties gained a gang of weight, hit my 30's and lost the equivalent to a tween person--I was back to a sleek size 6.  My wedding dress was maybe an 8--wedding dress sizes are always larger--and it had to have minor alterations.

After marriage, I stopped working out, consumed a lot more wine socially, ate decadently and paid for it.  Truthfully, I am still paying for it--currently I am over-weight.  In fact I thought carefully about showing current full body pictures of myself because of my weight.

My Wedding Day

MY FEET IN THE SAND: Therapy! Run Forrest Run!

It was a Sunday afternoon.  I was too weak to attend church and too lethargic to attend online.  Injeel attended on our behalf and was off to the library to hit the books once again.

On this day, nothing satisfied me.  I had my one good cup of coffee, courtesy of my Keurig--the greatest invention since sliced bread.  I had some juice and a lingonberry scone.  I clicked on the television, found Super Soul Sunday on Own, switched to an old movie, then a sitcom in syndication.  Nothing worked.

I sat on the couch with my feet to the side.  Suddenly a 10-foot wave overcame me and I looked at my meds.  For longer than a moment, I thought I could take all of them and end this.  Sure everyone would be sad but THIS, the Big C had started to get to me.  Soon it will be a year of me dealing with Breast Cancer and I was tired.

I allowed for the moment to last about an hour longer, to see if it was just a wave, a fleeting moment.  When I recognized the moment was not to pass--I called Injeel.  He had just settled in at the library.  "You have to come home now...."  "Now?"  He answered.  "Now."  I repeated.  He didn't ask any other questions.  He'd heard something in my voice that I didn't have to explain.

In record time, Injeel came through the door.  By now I was in tears.  "I don't feel well....I feel like I could do something to myself to end this."  I explained through dry heaving.  "You think it's time you go see Nikki?"  He asked.  I nodded. 

I'd met Nikki and Suzanne during Multi-Clinic, an approach UCLA Santa Monica Breast team uses when tackling the treatment of Cancer.  You meet every doctor involved in your well being from head to toe.  Nikki, I would later find out was a USC Social Work intern specializing in therapy.  This was sometime in April and I'd first met her in September.  She had visited me at the Infusion Center twice. I remembered her instruction, "....If you ever need me..." 

Injeel studied from home the rest of the day, keeping a watchful eye over me.  I am grateful for my husband.

That Monday morning I was on the horn with Nikki.  I told her that yesterday was a really bad day and I was afraid a wave had overcome me that I couldn't shake.  I feared I would do something to hurt myself and I didn't feel in control. 

Nikki had me come in the next day.  I had to fight myself to let my guard down and allow me to be the real me: scared, exhausted, angry and hopeless. Over the weeks I discovered that my representative had taken over my life long before Cancer and that my voice had been suppressed. 

Over more weeks I found that my severe insomnia began to affect me chemically.  While in therapy it was suggested that I meet with the Psychiatrist.  I did.  She offered meds designed to help me sleep.  I took it once during an extreme case but didn't like the way I felt the next day.  So I nixed playing with the dosage and resorted to some less narcotic over the counter remedies, Advil PM etc....

I continued in therapy with Nikki until her tenure ended.  I was then referred to Lorelei whom I love just as much and continue to see.

My point is Therapy comes with various stigmas among many ethnic communities including mine.  When faced with this challenge and at a moment when I could have made a debilitating choice--I chose life.  I continue to choose life and use therapy as one of my greatest tools to aid me in that choice. 

Whatever your circumstances, don't ever be afraid to talk to someone.  Don't allow stubbornness and fear to block you from breakthroughs awaiting you on the other side of a dark door.  Sure you may encounter nay-sayers but it is not about them, it is about you.  Therapy works if you work it.  God created therapists too, just like HE created you.

MY FEET IN THE SAND: This Is Real

For the first time since being diagnosed in September, the thought of my possible death because of this disease, etched an imprint in my brain.

As I deal in truth, I admit to having conversations with God...."I'm not asking to go but if you decide that my time is now, I won't be mad at you...."  Yes, the pain I was experiencing in those moments warranted that sentiment.  I also had fleeting moments of ending my life which will be discussed in detail in a later post, concerning the necessity and shamelessness of therapy.

But today, this is (got) real.  I saw a Facebook post from a friend announcing the death of Meshach Taylor, Designing Women--because of Cancer.  At this writing, he has been proclaimed on his deathbed at 67 but not deceased.

Meshach Taylor, Designing Women
 

My friend, hearing her distress for my condition as well, exclaimed how she hates Cancer and wishes it be gone.  Well at this writing,  Urban Daily Taylor's death was refuted and corrected to show that he is on his deathbed, none-the-less because of Cancer.  Two weeks ago, Joan Lunden, Good Morning America announced that she has been diagnosed with Breast Cancer.  And today it hit me, with all of the awareness and research, people are still dying from this disease.

In my pain, I was okay with dying if I had to.  I'd made peace with it.  After all, should it be my time, it is God's will and I will (I hope) have fulfilled my purpose in God's will for my time here on earth.  As I began to emerge from the illness and recovery, I've discovered that my purpose is still being revealed and I'm gaining strength and confidence in what I was put on this Earth to do.  In other words, I'm not ready to die, I don't want to die. 

Today, fear of the possibility of death flooded me.  I allow the thought to flow through me for a limited time. 

My thoughts now, not rest with 'I don't want to die' but I want and choose to live.  And while I live, I strive and work and joyously fulfill my God given purpose for my life for however long God wills me to do and be. 

My sincere prayer is that I hear God say, "With you my child I am well pleased..."  And when that time comes, it will come.  Until then, I am rejoicing in the land of the living, grateful to God that He is giving me another chance to get it right in Him.

MY FEET IN THE SAND: I HAD CANCER....IT DIDN'T HAVE ME...STILL DOESN'T!

On September 3, 2013 I found a lump.  It felt like a grape.  It was distinctive and painful.  On September 5 I told my husband, called my sister, the Doctor, told her what I found.  She urged me to call my primary care physician.  Thank God for her because I thought I had to call an OBGYN, of which she is.  She negated that thought.  Tests were done immediately.  I broke down in my Doctor's office that day.  He consoled me.  I told him I didn't know why I was crying, he said I'd obviously been holding it in.  That was a Friday.  "Try not to worry.  Usually, when tumors are cancerous, they aren't painful."  After all there was no change in my skin.  By Tuesday I was at the UCLA Breast Center for an ultrasound, by Thursday I was back for a biopsy.

The next Friday (unbeknownst to me then) my fabulous, fantabulous Dr. Hubbard (primary care physician) had me hooked into with one of the best Breast surgeons in the country.  On Monday evening, he called with the unusual news....Yes, it's cancerous.  You have Breast Cancer.  I was calm.  After my doctor explained that if one has cancer this was the best one to have, it was Inductal Carcinoma, meaning the tumor sat in my milk duct.  The tumor though the size of a large grape was small enough and not to worry, WE were about to kick cancer's ass because Cancer had picked the wrong DIVA.  I would later learn that cancer is cancer, like chemo is chemo.

Calmly I called Injeel.  My husband.  He was in law school at the time, 45 minutes away.  He said he was going to present with his group and return home immediately with a bottle of wine.  We had to celebrate....We know, now it's time to go to war.... was his sentiment.  I called my parents, but only Mom was home.  Dad was at his weekly lodge meeting and Mom was too fragile (in my opinion) to weather this news alone, so I waited until the next day.  I knew she knew but we both played.

With Injeel by my side (we were still in bed), on the next day, I called the parental unit.  "It's cancer...."  I explained all of the particulars.  They were sad but I could tell, they had an attitude of yeah, we're kicking this straight in the ass.  I called my Sissy, my bestie, confidante,  love her dirty drawers....she shifted into BEAST MODE!

From there I immediately assembled my team in my head.  This was instinctive.  I knew I wouldn't get through this without one, after all I live 3000 miles away from my family who all but me reside on the East Coast.  I texted about seven FRIENDS...CAROLE, WINCEY, VONDA, CHANDRA, ERICKA...with the message: CALL ME WHEN YOU CAN TALK, IT'S URGENT!

One by one, they called and I in my least dramatic form gave the news.  Wincey shifted into beast mode...prayer-action.  Carole's attitude was bring it on, Cancer's been waiting on this ass-kicking....Vonda sentimentally pledged her support...Chandra, I hesitated with for some reason, got to her practical self, Toni stop beating around the bush, just tell me! Beast mode....Ericka I told "Man up Ericka, man up!  She later shifted into beast mode (later she revealed that she wanted to kick me in the throat for urging her to man up.  I revealed that I couldn't hold her at the time so I couldn't catch her tears....other team members would be added...Jackie (my older sister) Val (friends since 5th grade), Tammy (Carole's bestie) and her husband Greg, Susan, Aliyah, Suki, Tina, Suki's Mom, Michele, Thensia, Kem....

I was ready.  I was ready to kick Cancer in the ass!  The pieces were in place and thus, how my journey started....

This piece is the beginning of a series of posts, My Feet In The Sand.  A journal chronicling my journey with battling Breast Cancer.  My purpose, to give voice and awareness to the journey, not just the diagnosis and survivorship stages.  Join me!  It's going to be a blast!